The Love Of A Woman
by arwen01
Summary: Confessions of two broken hearts in the dark.
1. We walk the narrow path

**Hey my lovelies, here is my new story. It's a slow burn but definitely a DE and M rated. **

**The credit for betaing goes to the wonderful **_**love of escapism **_**. Without her, this story wouldn't exist. Thank you, **_**love of escapism **_**for such a great friend and help to me.**

PROLOGUE

Taking a walk from her new workplace to her rented apartment, Elena was grateful for the mild weather of Chicago. It was quite a relief from where she'd lived before. A light breeze fanned her freshly cut and styled curls, and when she glanced at herself in the window of a shop, she almost didn't recognize herself. The form fitting black jacket she paired up with a fancy pair of jeans and spiky heels was a big leap from the plain and simple Elena she had left behind in Mystic Falls.

It felt so crazy, starting a new life and not knowing exactly, where the road would take her.

On her way to her new home, she passed by a church which had it's door slightly opened, as a quiet invitation for anyone who needed a second of tranquility in their lives. She felt a tug at her heart every time she'd walked by the building but couldn't bring herself to enter the church.

Her cell buzzed in her purse and reaching absentmindedly for the device, she felt as if she'd faint at the name flashing on the screen.

No, this couldn't be. Not him… not now when she finally started to forget. It'd been been months since she escaped.

She wasn't sure she'd be able to talk to him anymore. Not after everything that happened between them. Not after the betrayal, the lies, the shame. Not after the loneliness and pain she experienced because of him.

Pressing the _ignore _button on the screen she felt dizzy. Her gaze fell on the cross above the entrance and without a second glance, she took the stairs leading up to the door and before she could change her mind, she dipped her finger into the stoop and made the sign of the cross.

The silence of the church was startling. There were only a few people in there, some of them sitting randomly in the pews, the others were kneeling in front of the altars in the corners. The soft murmur of the prayer brought tranquility to her exhausted mind. But after receiving a curious glance from an older lady, she realized she was standing at the entrance and blocking anyone's exit for God knows how long.

Moving inside, she didn't have a clue where to stand, sit or kneel. It felt awkward and suddenly, it felt like a very bad idea, to search for peace in this place where she didn't even belong.

Turning on her heels, she was about to leave the church when she caught the sight of the confessional in a dark corner. As if feeling a magnetic pull, she walked closer, watching the wooden cabin with both entrances covered with a dark burgundy curtain.

Taking a quick look around, she sighed in relief when she made sure no one paid attention to her, she pulled the curtain out of her way and walked in. Once inside, surrounded with darkness, she discovered there was no room to move. All she could do was sit down and lean her back against the wall. The unfamiliar, but not unpleasant scent of wood and polish surrounded her and taking a deep breath, she let her tears fall in the darkness where no one could see or hear her.

She hadn't shed one single tear since she burned every bridge behind her.

But now, she couldn't push them back. She didn't want to.

The haunting memories.

The tears.

It felt so good not having to hold herself back anymore… the silent tears rolled down on her cheeks and she felt them drop onto her shirt. It felt like her tears would fall forever as the memories came rushing back to her, torturing her soul and mind.

"Oh, God…" She sobbed quietly, feeling the utter loneliness close around her. She recalled all those nights, waking up scared and searching for the familiar feeling of a body beside her, the only body that could make her feel warm and safe, but every single time she found the bed empty. So empty just liker her heart now was.

Her sobs became louder as it occurred to her there was nothing she could hope for anymore. Two months had passed without any sign that someone was missing her. No one came into her room to take her into his arms, whispering her to still believe in love that connected her to him and to him only.

Maybe it was an unhealthy obsession. Maybe it was something that made her sick or weird in the eyes of the others. But she lifted her chin in her pride, to prove herself, to prove everyone she was capable of leaving and she did exactly that. One day when nothing particularly bad had happened, she just left. The town, the shame, the betrayal… the love, the happiness.

And now, there was no way back. A fresh gush of tears followed the path of the previous ones when, suddenly, someone pulled the curtain of the other entrance of the confessional open and then it slid back to closed. A cold chill ran down her spine when she heard a velvety voice from the other side, whispering.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."


	2. Beneath the smoking skies

**I want to thank to my beta-fairy **_**a love of escapism **_**for doing a fabulous job on this chapter.**

**CHAPTER 01**

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned." Elena's breath caught in her throat as she heard the man next to her speaking.

There was a long silence after he spoke and Elena was debating what she should do. Should she leave? Or should she just stay and remain silent?

"I'm…" She cleared her throat. "I'm not a priest, I'm sorry."

"Oh." The man was caught off guard as he heard Elena speak.

"I-I can go and find the priest for you…" She offered as she shot up from her seat.

"No!" He cried out and then added in quieter voice, "No, please stay… maybe it's better this way."

"Okay," she said hesitantly and let herself sink back onto the bench. Sniffling, she fished for a tissue in her purse.

"Are you cold?" The man asked from the other side and her hands stopped in their search.

"No…" She felt silly to admit that she cried for no reason.

"So you were crying then." There was a long pause after he spoke. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not… if you don't mind." She could just hope her refusal didn't sound too harsh.

"What's your name?" He asked in a casual tone, which left her startled.

"No… no names, please… I'd rather just listen."

"You want to hear my story?" He was clearly surprised.

"Is there a story to tell?" She couldn't hold back the edge from her tone.

"There's always a story behind certain actions." He took a deep breath, "I don't even know where to start."

"Let me guess… it's about a girl."

"Doesn't it always come down to the love to a woman?" The question was filled with so many emotions it made her shiver.

"What happened to her… to both of you?"

"She died… there was a terrible fire," His voice trembled as he said it. "But it wasn't the beginning of the story. It's not even the end of it. But for one thing I'm sure, if it wasn't for her, I'd never have fallen so deep."

Leaning back, she closed her eyes and listened to the words that spoke in volumes about ancient things like love and passion and the voice sounded so sincere and alluring she felt herself drawn into the story, into _his _story about love and betrayal.

"Why do you want to share this story with me? Maybe you'll open the Pandora's box…"

"Hear me out, please. I-" His breath caught in his throat for a second. "Just for once in my life I want… I need someone –you - to know my story…"

Elena took a deep breath, hesitating. There was a battle going on deep inside her, something she couldn't fully understand… but then, she knew: she needed to know _his _story and then maybe it would bring peace to her shattered heart and soul.

"I'm so deeply lost in my sins that I don't even know where to start. So many experiences formed me into this disillusioned person I've became maybe there's no saving me."

"Everyone can be saved…" Elena whispered into the darkness, even if she didn't feel like that at that moment. "There's always hope."

Yes, there was a time when she thought there was hope for everyone. That she could save the sinners and give hope to those who were lost. She never thought it was going to be thrown back into her face.

Hope? What does that even mean? A spark of light in the darkness?

And then it occurred to her… there was no hope anymore. Not for her. This whole confessional box was a big huge lie, she didn't belong here and most definitely wasn't prepared to hear his story.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe there's no forgiveness for what I did to her," he said forcefully and suddenly, she felt the urge to run… to run so far she'd never return.

"Excuse me, I have to go." She stood up with renewed determination and before the man could say anything in return, she ripped the curtain out of her way and ran.

Once back in her apartment, she leant against the closed entrance door, trying to catch her breath. The words that man said stirred in her so many emotions… emotions she'd buried deep inside and what was once buried should have stayed in the past.

Feeling exhausted, she dragged herself into the small bathroom and took a quick shower. She didn't take a look into the mirror. She rarely did, since she moved here.

It wasn't in her job description to look good. She worked as an assistant to an assistant to someone and basically, her job consisted of picking up the phone, writing the messages on 'post-it' tags and then there were the endless hours of working on the computer, turning manuscripts into document files. No one cared how she looked and no one even raised a brow at the red streak in her hair when she walked towards her cubicle this morning. No one knew nor cared how she looked before.

At the beginning, she made an attempt to make small talk with her co-workers but it seemed like everyone had their own group of friends and they weren't interested in befriending her.

And she was okay with being invisible. Until tonight. Until this man started to speak to her in the darkness, reminding her of the things she didn't want to remember.

The sleep avoided her for long hours and her memories haunted her in the darkness, but it always came back to his words, to his whispered confession…

The next day she went through her daily routine as always, doing her job and picking up phones, having her coffee in the corner of the cafeteria while her co-workers chatted happily in groups at the tables. She was okay with that and today, she even welcomed being ignored. She didn't want to share her story with anyone.

Feeling utterly tired, she called a taxi to take her home; she didn't want to walk. But, as the car passed by the church, there was a small tug at her heart. She felt guilty for running out on that man, yet she didn't tell the driver to stop.

The days turned into weeks and she found herself becoming even more restless during the nights, feeling guilty and wondering what could be so important that he had to share with her. And then she couldn't stand it anymore and though she knew there was a very little chance to meet that man at the church again, she took the stairs leading up to the building and immediately felt the cool air of the place hitting her.

She didn't take a look around this time as she walked straight to the confessional cabin. Her gaze fell on the tag next to the entrance; it contained the schedule of the official hours for confessions. She was relieved to see that there was no way she'd meet the priest at this hour of the day.

Pulling the curtain over, she felt the now familiar calmness wash over her. There was something about this place that made her feel safe and content.

"You came." The voice in the darkness startled her and she sat up straight on her seat.

"Are you stalking me? She whispered angrily at him.

"No, of course, not," he replied defensively, "I came here every day in a hope that I could talk to you again."

"I don't get it. You don't even know who I am. Why would you wait for me to talk?"

"There are not too many people I can open myself up to. And I want to tell my story to you…"

"Why?"

"Maybe because I'm feeling a little lonely lately. Maybe because I've lost everyone that I would normally share my thoughts with."

"Why me?" She whispered, choking on her tears.

"Do you want to hear my story?" He asked, ignoring her question.

Her mind raced. There was no one who'd give her an advice, to tell her what to do… whether she should listen to this stranger or not. But something told her, she shouldn't pass this opportunity to hear him confessing his darkest secrets…

"Yes, I want to hear it." She mumbled, surprising even herself with her response.


	3. The difference

**The chapters' titles are coming from one of the saddest songs ever written: Jane Siberry – It Can't Rain All The Time.**

**I'd like to thank to **_**a love of escapism **_**for her support and encouraging words while she did her magic on this chapter. **

**CHAPTER 02**

"**Sometimes, we barely can the the difference…"**

Before Elena could change her mind, he started to talk in a deep, emotionless tone.

"What happened to me, begins like every other cliched story. A boy fell in love with a girl. The problem was that this girl could never be his; it was my brother's girl." His words were filled with self deprecating guilt.

"What was she like?" She asked when he remained quiet, obviously lost deep in his memories.

"Beautiful. The colour of her hair or her eyes doesn't matter anymore. All that remains of her is a stone with her name on it… a name that means nothing to anyone in a nameless cemetery. But, while she was alive, I would watch her for hours and never get tired of it. I felt everything a teen boy feels at the sight of his first love…" he paused for a second. "But she wasn't mine. And I couldn't… wouldn't accept it."

"And you?"

"What about me?" He was clearly surprised.

"What where you like back then?"

There was a long pause after her question.

" No one's ever asked me this before… my family would probably say that I was a typical teen, but inside I felt like I could take over the world. On the outside I always looked… like any other teen boy; a typical nerd who was living in his brother's shadow."

"Maybe you didn't see yourself clearly."

"Maybe. But at that time I accepted it as it was. All that mattered, was this girl. Her smile, her pout, even the way she flipped her hair… Have you ever experienced an emotion so deep it hurt?"

Closing her eyes, she let his words bring something to the surface she wanted to forget.

"I-" She couldn't bring herself to say it. Her heart-rate sped up and she gasped.

"I get it." He let out a humourless chuckle. "You know that feeling."

Elena looked around in the darkness. At this point, her eyes got used to it so she could make out the details of her surroundings. But the walls stared at her in silence and there was no escape from her memories.

"Yes, I know how it feels. To give yourself up for someone… to let someone change your beliefs and hopes… yes, I know how it feels when nothing else matters but that feeling alone…"

"Were your feelings returned?" He asked all of a sudden.

"Were yours?" She shot back, to hide her surprise.

"Once I thought so. She was so happy, living her life to the fullest…she coaxed me out of my shell. Before meeting her, I'd lived to study and had big plans regarding my future. My life was about my books and my computer. And then, she came like a comet into my life, shaking me up, making me want to see more of this world…"

His words had a strange effect on her. She thought once she heard his story, she would feel anxious and trapped. But the depth behind his words, the pain he'd clearly experienced, filled her with understanding.

"What happened next?"

"We started to date. My father never approved of our relationship… my mother was long gone by then… died of cancer… and that girl was everything I wanted and needed. The ghost of her fingertips over my skin set my body on fire and I wanted to chase her forever, to melt with her into one and," He paused as the memories started to push onto the surface. "I was the happiest man in the world when she announced she was pregnant. I didn't care I was only nineteen and she was seventeen. I wanted her and the baby and I was ready to face my father's wrath for her."

"What went wrong?"

"She forgot to share a small detail with me; that she'd never broke up with my brother." His voice turned bitter. "We fought. A lot. Once, in her rage, she threw into my face that the baby might not be mine."

"Oh my…" Elena's fingers flexed in her lap as she wanted to reach out and touch him, to take away his pain.

"And then, the baby was born. Her mother kicked her out of her home. She came to our house. Can you imagine how my father reacted?"

"Tell me."

"When she admitted that she had an intercourse with both of us, with my brother and me, father demanded a paternity test to be done. I begged him not to humiliate her this way… but all I got was a punch in my face. Plus, he threatened to stop funding my studies at the college. I didn't care. I was the best in my class in Harvard and my aim was to become a cardiologist… and I was madly in love. I was ready to commit my life to her and live our happily after."

"And the baby?"

"It was mine. Even without the paternity test results it was obvious that she eerily resembled me, especially my eyes. If my father took a glance at her, he'd know. But he didn't."

"Did it bring you any relief knowing it was yours?"

"At the beginning, yes. She followed me to the campus and brought our baby with her. April was an amazing little baby and she had the sweetest smile. But then, her mother started to act weirdly. She found more and more excuses to leave the baby with me and she didn't care that I had crazy hours of studying and working at the university clinic as it was the essential part of the medical experience. Most of the times I just fell into bed, exhausted, only to find April in her crib next to my bed, her little face red from the hours of crying…"

"Where was the mother of the child?"

"As it turned out, she regretted having a baby at such a young age and she wanted to live a little. And live she did…"

"How comes your family didn't help you with that?"

Another long pause followed her question and again, she felt an unbearable urge to touch him.

"Because I was proud and stubborn."

"I refuse to believe that," she replied sharply. "Either you tell me the truth or I'm out of here."

He remained silent again. She stood up and from the gasp he let out she knew he noticed that she was about to leave.

"Okay, okay, I tell you. The answer to your question is that it was my brother who kept me away from asking for help. He had a drinking problem, but refused to admit it. So, my father shared his time between his work and pulling pulling my brother out of trouble. But some people never can get enough chances…"

"Yeah, some people never change…" She murmured, nodding to herself.

"Some people don't," he admitted in a torn voice. "There are a few of those who get into enough shit to finally learn from their mistakes. But, it didn't apply to my family. They were so wrapped up in their own problems that they never gave me a second thought. Knowing that they had their own shit to deal with didn't make my life any easier. I found out that the mother of my child started to steal money from me. First, I thought she did it by accident, but when my money kept disappearing from my wallet more and more frequently, I called her out on it. She said… no, she yelled at me that she needed that money to provide April's needs… I was so naïve at first, I believed her. But then…" He swallowed audibly, "As a medical student, I suspected that something went very wrong… April didn't gain weight as she should have. She looked sick and drowsy all the time. And then, one day I came home earlier than usual. April was sleeping in her crib, with a handprint on her little cheek."

"And the mother?" Something deep inside her tightened and adrenaline shot through her veins. She felt the urge to break something after his words. Hurting a baby… it was one of the unforgivable sins in her vocabulary.

He snorted.

"She slept as well. With a bottle of pills in her hand. As it turned out, April was crying from hunger and she solved the problem with slapping a six months old baby and then gave her one of her pills. That was the moment I first snapped. I took April to a fellow pediatrician who confirmed my suspicion; she was malnourished and the blood tests revealed it wasn't for the first time she was given painkillers."

"My God…" Elena whispered into the darkness, tears making their path down her cheeks.

"Yeah. The beauty of the whole damned situation was that I couldn't throw out the mother of my child because she threatened to take the baby with her. I demanded an explanation, why she neglected our child… all she said was that she had some debts to pay. That was the first and the last time I called my father for help… to send me some money to help her out of her situation. I was a proud man and I felt utterly humiliated by begging him for money." He took a deep breath. "All I got in response was that he ordered me to throw that whore – as he called her – out of my apartment and get on with my life. I hung up without as much as saying a goodbye."

"What did you do then?"

"I dropped out from the university after I failed several exams. My life plans, my dreams simply vanished in a wink of an eye. All because of my stupid pride and stubbornness. Maybe if I'd called my father again… maybe if I'd begged him for longer to help me…"

"You can't change the past," she whispered in a broken voice. "As much as you try to fight against it, it's always there, reminding you of what you were before and what you have done; and it always remains there… like a stain on a white sheet."

"Sometimes I'm wondering what my life would look like if I was able to overcome my pride. If I was able to ask for forgiveness when it actually could have meant something."

"Sometimes words remain what they are; empty phrases with no real meaning… with no real regret, just prolonging the hope that fades with every new wave of disappointment…"

"Are you lecturing me?" He asked with a sharp edge in his tone.

"Do you need to be lectured?" She shot back, feeling her temper take over her thoughts.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she shuddered. His words were unexpected and triggered something in her, something she tried to keep locked away in a deep corner of her mind.

"Look, I have to go now," she managed to say. "I need to work tomorrow."

"Will you come back later?" He could barely hide his desperation.

"I don't know."

"Well, at least,that was an honest answer." He let out a humorless chuckle.

"I didn't say it to be rude… I just really don't have a clue of how I will feel tomorrow or the day after that. I appreciate that you want to share your story with me… but maybe I'm not the right person to hear that."

"Goodbye then, stranger." His voice was barely audible and her heart clenched tightly in her chest. She desperately tried to say something hopeful and encouraging to him, but then she heard him pull the curtain out of his way and leave the building in silence.

**If you liked it, please, don't forget to review. **


	4. Darkness and light

**A huge thanks goes to **_**a love of escapism **_**for doing her magic on this chapter. **

**CHAPTER 03**

**Between the darkness and light**

She couldn't stay away… of course she couldn't. His words that whispered into the darkness wouldn't let her be. She kept thinking of his story during her work as she typed another boring manuscript into the computer. His words followed her to the lunch and by the time the last hour of her workday rolled around, she couldn't get out of the building quick enough.

She found herself taking long strides as she practically ran to the church. She was breathing hard when she finally entered the building and made her way to her usual spot. As she turned to the confessional cabin, a kind voice stopped her.

"Can I help you?"

She whipped around only to meet the warm smile of the priest.

"I-" she stammered, "I was just looking for someone…"

"Jesus is always here, waiting for you." The priest gestured around unctuously. "The mass starts in five minutes."

"I'm not catholic…" She tipped her head down.

"It doesn't matter. What truly matters is in your heart," he said encouragingly,making the tears she never knew she had sting her eyes.

"Maybe there's nothing left in there…" She fought the urge to clutch the shirt over her chest where she felt so empty and broken.

"Let the Lord decide whether there's something left worth saving in your heart or not." He checked his wrist watch as people started to file in. "Come, take a seat there on the left if you don't want to be noticed. Not that anyone would watch you… everyone comes here with a question, with a doubt or with a deep pain in their heart; some of them want to be unnoticed, just as you."

His words filled her with a hint of hope for a second that was enough for her to follow him to the third pew on the left. She listened to the words of the priest, expecting the ancient words about love and grace to bring some peace, but her mind kept wandering aimlessly, picking up memories. Memories that hurt… or those that made her smile which was sometimes even worse. When the mass came to an end, she thanked the priest for his kindness before leaving the church.

The night started to fall and she saw people walking their dogs at the park nearby. The soft breeze and the momentarily peace filled her with joy, though she didn't have a chance to talk to _him_. The thought of returning to the empty apartment filled her with dread, so she decided to take a walk in the park instead, where the blooming flowers and the freshly mowed lawn looked so inviting and peaceful. There were some couples sitting on plaids, chatting happily while watching the sunset.

Walking along the patio, she found several benches made of wrought iron and decided to take a seat there and just enjoy the afternoon.

"I'm sorry we couldn't talk at the church." The voice was coming from behind her and she straightened her spine, startled. She didn't make an attempt to turn around, but she couldn't contain the shiver flashing across her body hearing him, having him so close.

"I thought you weren't there," she murmured in surprise.

"I was standing in the shadow, watching you."

"How…?"

"Don't be afraid, I'm not a stalker. I just wanted to see you for a second…" His voice was filled with something that made her heart skip a beat.

"Maybe I should take a look at you as well…"

"Don't." His voice was suddenly raw and harsh, leaving her shocked. "I'm sorry. It just makes it easier to talk to you when you don't see me."

She didn't know how to answer to that, so she remained silent, waiting for what was coming next. She heard him take a seat behind her and none of them broke the silence for several minutes. Maybe he was enjoying the scenery as she did. Or maybe he wanted for her to become initiative this time.

"You still want to tell me your story?" She asked in a timid voice.

"You still want to hear the rest of it? It's not a fairy tale, I can assure you. There are no knights in shining armor coming to save the princess in this one," he sighed. "In fact, I was expected to be the knight that saved the day… except I couldn't."

"You told me she died in a fire…"

"Yes, she did." He was once again deep in his thoughts as he tried to form the right words to say to her. "After I'd dropped out of Harvard, my father cut me off and we were left with no money. And, for the first time in my life, I had to actually work. I took every job I could find, from lawn mowing to working hard for a construction company. But, it wasn't enough. No money was ever enough. Once she needed a new pair of heels, other times April was sick and bills of the medical care swallowed up the little savings we had… So, she found a waitressing job at a bar. There was a pastor living close to our apartment and they watched April while we were at work."

"Tell me about her job." Elena leaned her head back against the headrest of the bench feeling the warmth of his body radiating into her from the other side.

"It was a disaster. She couldn't stand the long work hours and the customers. She dreamed about becoming more. To her credit, she really tried. But also, we both were constantly exhausted and we fought a lot."

"I hope your love was able to survive, at least."

He let out a loud snort.

"Believe me, nothing could kill the love more efficiently than the reality of living from paycheck to paycheck and having burned leftovers for a dinner. She didn't live in a castle as a kid, but neither did she have to do the laundry, to take care of a crying baby and her sore feet before. Soon I found myself cleaning the apartment and doing the dishes on a daily basis. We were both exhausted from our work and we became irritated with each others' presence."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, I'm sorry too. I would change the past if I could. I would…" he let out a loud sigh. "I don't even know what I would have done to save her."

"You loved her that much?" She didn't know why she felt a pang of uneasiness at her heart.

"I guess I loved her like she was the air I breathed. But, that was before. Before we started to blame each other for our stupid mistakes and decision, before we couldn't even stand the sight of each other anymore. It was hard to admit that we were just two kids playing house in the real world and having a baby on top of everything was just too much to handle."

"Do you think it was a mistake to have your daughter?"

She could practically feel the smile tugging at his lips.

"No. April was the only good thing coming out of our relationship." He paused to contain his thoughts about his daughter. "You know, I think it's true what people say about fathers and daughters. She was my princess and I was her everything, simple as. There was a girl at the pastor's house who babysat April from time to time. She said that April always knew when I was coming to take her home. As soon as she could walk, she kept standing at the entrance, listening to every noise coming from outside and started to squeal with delight when she heard my footsteps on the porch."

The memory he brought to life made her feel warm inside.

"I found more and more excuses to leave my daughter there because of this girl with ridiculous amounts of chocolate hair. Admiring the peace of the place of the pastor's house, I longed to have everything they had, the relaxed ambience of their social welfare, the carefree smiles they exchanged," he cleared his throat. "I'm ashamed to admit that I was so childish that these details symbolized a better life for me back then."

"I'm glad you found a little happiness there." She felt a lump in her throat.

"Yeah, it was nice. I thought it was because of the house until once I went there only to find the pastor's wife babysitting my daughter and suddenly, the house looked to me like any other house on the street. That was the first sign I overlooked."

"The first sign of what?" She was confused.

"That I should have backed off." His voice was filled with self-deprecation, "I found silly excuses to spend time there, only to see that girl with my daughter. I kept telling myself that I did it for April, giving her the illusion of a proper home and what her mother should have done for her. Instead, it was this fifteen years old girl who knew how to act around a toddler so much better than the one who brought April into this world. I remember sitting at the kitchen table in the pastor's house, watching that girl and April as they played and talked like they were best friends. April adored her, and I kept telling myself that I liked her too, only for the sake of my daughter."

"Do you think she knew you liked her?" She whispered.

" I think my presence was insignificant to her. She came from a good family and it was clear she was allowed to have her own opinion and decisions. But for me, it went beyond something that simple as liking. She made me feel… different."

"Different? How?"

"I think she didn't see me as an utter failure like everyone else did. When we talked, I knew she was listening… like, really listening with interest. It didn't matter how hard my days had been at work, how exhausted and angry I was, somehow, she always knew what to say to calm me down. And, I must admit, I needed to be calmed down more and more frequently. This girl became my friend, despite the age difference between us. She was just starting to live her life while I felt like I've lived countless lives already, being exhausted of what I became, unable to fight for myself anymore. The only thing that kept me going, was my daughter. And, as much as it hurt to admit, I couldn't care about my girlfriend anymore. We just… didn't work."

"I'm so sorry." She said with compassion.

"There's no need to feel sorry for me. It was my choice. No one forced me to love her," he murmured. "Considering that I wanted to chase her forever when I first saw her… well, our love didn't last more than two years and then we stayed together out of habit and because we had nowhere else to go."

"How did she die?" She asked and he exhaled audibly surprised that se was brave enough to ask.

For a second, she thought he'd stand up and leave.

"It was a stupid, unnecessary accident. We were growing apart quickly after I found a piece of calm at the pastor's house. She sensed that something became irreparably wrong between us and after two years of not giving a shit about me, she started to make an effort to fix us. She tried to seduce me several times, but failed."

"How…?" Elena hated herself for asking the details, but she needed to know.

"I was incapable to…" he cleared his throat in embarrassment. "As much as she tried, I couldn't get hard for her. It was pitiful and awkward between us after those failed occasions. She kept asking me what could she do to fix us and I just couldn't bring myself to tell her that the only thing I wanted was to never see her again."

"Why didn't you break up then?"

"There are many things we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up," he replied bitterly.

"Oscar Wilde would be proud of you," she chuckled.

"I like quoting him. He didn't have illusions when it came to the drama called life."

She knew he was relieved that he could talk about something else than his sad past for a moment. But tonight, she wanted… she needed to hear the truth about him. So as much as it hurt her to do it, straightening her shoulders, she became determined to hear the rest of his story.

"Are you going to hide behind other people's thoughts, or will you tell me what happened in real life?" She asked.

"Well, I guess my life is full of cliches and maybe that's why I feel safe with my snark." He bit out before calming down enough to resume his story. "Anyway, I promised to tell you the truth and I will. Even if you are going to loathe me for it, I'll tell you. I'm sure we'd have stayed in that frozen state of our dead relationship forever with the mother of my child when one day, everything changed faster than I could comprehend. It was my father who unintentionally, changed my life. He appeared at my door, with an undeniable offer. He told me he was going to pull some strings for me and that he could get me back to Harvard. His only condition was to give up on my girlfriend. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't tempted."

"And the baby?"

"He said his lawyer started to work on my case to gain full custody over our daughter."

"How was he going to succeed?"

"Well, that's the beauty of the whole thing; as it turned out me who unintendedly pushed the evidence against her right under his nose. It was so stupid that if it wasn't my life we are talking about, I'd actually laugh. My father somehow managed to track April's health reports and he found those blood test results. The ones that proved my girlfriend gave her those damned sleeping pills."

"Oh my God…" she whispered.

"Yeah. He cornered me and tried to force me to sign the report against my girlfriend. I slammed the door into his face and when I was sure he left, I hurried to work. And it was the biggest mistake I've made." He paused for a second, obviously struggling to contain his thoughts and to interpret his memories as they became more painful with every word he said. "She called me at work a few hours later and she was hysterical. After asking her what was going on, suddenly, it occurred to me, that my father left those papers on the kitchen table."

"She found them, I guess."

"Right. And her reaction wasn't nice, to say at least. She threatened to leave me, taking April with her; but first, she told me she was going to burn the papers. Those were the last words I heard from her." He took a deep breath. "The next thing I knew the cops called me, only to let me know that my apartment was burnt down… apparently, there was some problem with the gas pipes. According to the investigation report, the gas pipe was cracked and the escaping gas filled the place… and when she flipped on the lighter to burn the papers, the place simply exploded and was burnt down within minutes," his voice was monotone, emotionless. "One minute I had a fucked up life with an amazing baby for a daughter and the next minute everything was gone."

"And your girlfriend?"

"She died instantly. I remember standing at the ruins of the house just hours before I called my home, unable to get what they were saying to me. I've heard the words, I saw the stretcher the paramedics carried out, with a figure covered with a simple white sheet and I just couldn't put together two coherent words. They brought me to the ambulance, talking to me… asking me questions I didn't understand. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her under the sheet next to me. They took me to the hospital with her and I didn't understand why were they taking her to the morgue. Then, after hours of staring at the door that separated us forever, a cop came to me, asking about the baby stuff they found in the remnants of our apartment."

Leaning against the headrest, Elena's eyes welled up at the raw emotion he was projecting.

"I stared at the cop unable to get what he needed from me. And then, there was something that broke through the barriere of my shock. The baby. My daughter. They were asking me about my daughter and it took me a while to realize that most likely, she was still at the pastor's house. They called the number I gave them, to make sure they didn't need to search for…" he swallowed audibly, "For the corpse of the baby. Hearing them confirm that April was indeed well and alive, it finally tore me out of my numbness and I collapsed."

His voice suddenly died down. Elena could feel the tears tighthening his throat at the impact of his memories. Elena couldn't stop the flow of her own tears, feeling his grief, his pain as if it was her own.

"What happened next?" She whispered in a shaky voice.

"I died." His words sounded empty. "Something died inside me that night. After I was allowed to go home from the police station, I found myself wandering in the night aimlessly, feeling beyond exhausted, yet still restless. I never returned to our apartment. There was nothing for me to return to anymore. I stopped at the pastor's house. They let me in trying to say something encouraging, but all I saw was April. Grabbing her, I clutched my daughter so tightly, unable to form a word, until she cried and squirmed out of my hold. I know I squeezed her too hard, but at that moment I was unable to even think straight. The pastor's wife took April from me and I turned around to leave. I was standing on the porch, trying to figure out what to do next, when I felt that girl standing behind me. She simply stood there, waiting patiently until I pivoted and then she just… hugged me."

"How did it feel?"

"Warm," he replied with a hint of smile in his voice. "I can't explain it in any other way. I was cold, still smelling from sanitizers of the morgue, but she just held me, warming me up. I knew I couldn't stay and cry. I had to get out, to leave everything behind and to take my revenge on the person whom I blamed for my misery."

"Your father."

"Right. I knew he was hell bent to put his paws on the only heir he had at that moment, even if it was only a girl. So I did the stupidest and the most selfish thing…" he swallowed audibly. "I gave my daughter up for adoption. The pastor and his wife couldn't have children so they were more than willing to take her under their wings. When my father found out, he called his lawyer and disinherited me."

"It had to be a hard decision, considering how much you had lost." She tried to express her compassion and again, felt the urge to turn around and wrap her arms around him, to take away at least a little bit of his pain.

"At that moment, it wasn't. I was twenty-one, grieving and betrayed and there was nothing… literally nothing to make me want to live. The images of our last pitiful moments together were burned deep inside my mind and trivial things like where I went or what I did… it didn't matter anymore. There were days I can't remember. I ate at the homeless centers and then I just… vegetated." He took a deep, shuddering breath.

"The worst day of loving someone is the day when you lose them," she murmured and his breath hitched in response.

"No, the worst day comes when you wake up in the morning only to discover everything you thought was real is just a stupid mistake… that everything you had your faith in, was just a delusional pretense. I barely ate for days, I slept under the bridge… I just wanted to make the pain gone. To wake up one day and to realize it all was just a bad dream. But it wasn't."

"But you survived." She stated the obvious.

"Yes, I did. When I was at the verge of dehydration and smelled like an animal, my brother who I was fucked over by in the first place, yet he came to save me. He said he was mourning her as well… but we had to carry on with our lives."

"I'm so sorry… you both lost her."

She waited for his response but there was nothing but silence surrounding her.

The night had fallen and suddenly, she became very aware of the fact that she was alone in a park and there weren't any pedestrians in the sight. Shivering, she stood up, trying to contain her panic.

"I'll walk you home," his voice came from behind her, startling and calming her nerves at the same time.

"Thanks, but I'm good." She hoped she sounded braver than she felt.

"Let's just not argue over this, okay?"

She just nodded and started to walk, hearing his quiet footsteps behind her. It was a strange feeling to show him where she lived, but she instinctively knew she didn't have to fear. Once they approached the road where her apartment was, she halted.

"This is it. You don't have to follow me further."

His steps halted behind her.

"Okay," he said finally. "I'll watch you from here then. And before you protest, I'm not doing this to know your address… I just want to protect you."

She fought the urge to turn around and face him.

"Thank you for sharing this with me," she said hesitantly.

"You want to hear the rest?" He was surprised.

"Of course. I mean… if you want to."

"In the park, after work?" He asked casually with just a hint of desperation.

She was glad he didn't press which day they were going to meet.

"I'll see you there," she replied without thinking and her lips pulled into a smile at the irony of her own words. She didn't see him yet it felt like she saw right into his soul. And she was going to delve deeper to see all that mattered.


	5. Faith and belief

**Hey my fellow Delena fans, I'm so sorry for the long wait, but life doesn't support the writers as it should. **

**This chapter is betad by the awesome _a love of escapism. _**

**CHAPTER 04**

**_- "Do you have faith in what we believe?"-_**

The next day she was showered with so much work, she had to stay in after her working day was supposed to end. While her fingers moved over the keys of her computer frantically, she kept glancing at the clock on the wall with growing impatience knowing she couldn't be there to meet her stranger on time.

After hitting the 'save' button for the last time for the day, she couldn't hurry enough to meet him at the park. But, as she approached the same bench they talked just last night, she didn't see anyone standing in the shadow or a lone figure sitting there. Slumping onto the bench, she huffed in frustration. For some reason, she felt disappointed that he wasn't patient enough to wait for her. Maybe he didn't even come.

Trying to identify how she felt about the missed opportunity of meeting her stranger, she was surprised to find a flicker of disappointment flashing through her heart; she instantly berated herself for it. He wasn't bound to wait for her there.

Letting out a shaky breath, she let the insecurity wash over her. Her mind reminded her with a mocking grin that despite the change of location, she remained the same delusional dreamer who just couldn't learn from her mistakes and hopes; they got her in trouble countless times before, yet she was sitting there, making herself look like a fool again. It was time to give up those stupid feelings and face the real world where no Prince Charmings were wandering around, just sad and tragically lonely people who couldn't find a single place on the Earth where they could feel worthy enough to be loved.

But then, just as she was about to stand up and leave, her fingers brushed against something with a soft texture next to her. She pulled her hand away only to see a single petal of a blood red rose.

Her first thought was that it was a coincidence. Maybe someone walked by and a petal fell out of the bouquet they carried. Maybe someone left that rose there by accident.

Her mind kept throwing different dismissive answers at her about that petal, trying to convince her it was much ado about nothing.

But deep inside, she _knew. _He was there and had waited for her.

The thought left her breathless and her heart stuck out it's tongue at her rational mind. Inhaling the sweet scent of the rose, she tried to clear her thoughts, but she couldn't help smiling with relief.

Back at her apartment, she kept glancing at the rose she left on the chest of drawers in the hallway and she couldn't help but wonder what happened that he didn't stay there to meet her.

That was the first night when her thoughts weren't occupied with her haunting memories. Instead, she put the rose into a glass of water and stared at the simple elegance of the petal on her nightstand until her eyelids became heavy and she slid into her dreamland without even noticing it.

The rose started to bloom the next day and three days later the petals began to fall as it slowly faded away.

Elena watched it all, since she had nothing else to do once she got home from her work. She even checked her cell phone for new incoming calls but there were none.

It was so hard starting to feel again. To feel concern for _him_.

She went to the park every day in a hope to meet him. She went even as far that she visited the church again, questioning herself is she remembered correctly the time and the place where they were supposed to meet. Every day she worked harder to make it on time to the usual places she met him before, but the magic never happened; the days passed filling her with emptiness as she walked back into her empty apartment with equally empty heart. There was no one to fill that heart of hers with love, with something that'd let her spread her wings and fly.

Then, one day when she walked the same path, not feeling any hope to meet her stranger again, suddenly, she felt like someone was watching her. Her steps halted and pulling her coat tighter around her body, an unpleasant shiver ran through her. It was getting chilly outside as it was the middle of October and the darkness started to fall much earlier than before.

Taking a quick glance around, she made her way into the nearest bar. Taking her seat on a barstool, she ordered a cup of hot coffee. The bartender raised his brow, asking whether she needed something stronger to warm up.

"I'm good, thanks." She reclined the offer with a well-trained smile. She was grateful for the hooded light and that the place wasn't crowded at this time of the evening.

Suddenly, she stiffened as she sensed someone taking the seat next to her.

"Sorry," was the only word he uttered before ordering his bourbon from the bartender.

"You don't owe me anything," she murmured, suddenly wishing for something stronger.

"I do. I treasure your trust." He took a sip from his drink. "I was there that night… but April had kind of an emergency situation."

"Is she okay?" Elena asked with concern.

"Yes, as it turned out, she participated in some school prank and she got a three days detention, along with her two compeers. I swear she's going to give me a heart attack before I turn forty…" He let out a tortured sigh which made her smile into her coffee in return.

"You don't sound really upset about it." She found herself grinning.

"She is a little rebel deep inside… and I love the strong spirit she has. Sometimes I don't know whether to lock her up in her room until she turns thirty or reward her for her mischievousness. Those two idiots she hangs out with are toxic for her."

She chuckled.

"I'm glad you have such a great relationship with her. Last time you sounded like you were going to give up on her."

"It was the hardest decision of my life And also, the stupidest." He admitted quietly. "It took me several years and even more punches of the faith to get back and find her."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" She asked when he didn't elaborate.

"This memory is not the one I like to revisit, to be honest." He tipped his head down.

"I thought you came here to tell me the _whole _story."

There was a long pause after her uttered words. She could practically feel the gears working in his head. She didn't have to be a genius to see that he tried to find his way out of the situation.

She wondered if he'd find a loophole he could work in his favor. She expected him to fight from the corner he was pushed into by her words.

"Only if you allow me to buy you a drink." His reply left her stunned. She expected quite a few things that he could say, just not this.

She took a deep breath, feeling alarmed.

"Why would I need a drink?" She murmured, closing her eyes.

"Do you have a drinking problem?" He shot back.

"No, that's not it. It's just…" She took a deep breath. "Why do you want to buy me a drink?"

"Because I can see you don't want it," he replied simply. "This way, you can have a taste of your own medicine and see how it feels being forced to do something you don't want to do. Either you drink with me or you don't get to hear that part of my story."

She clutched the coffee cup between her fingers.

"I can't drink."

"Why?" He pressed.

"I-" she swallowed, closing her eyes. Suddenly, vivid images flashed across her mind of that particular afternoon when she truly lost her self-control for the first time in her life. "The only time I got really drunk, made me do something that completely changed my life."

"Sounds interesting." She didn't have to look at him, to know he was smirking. "Tell me about it."

She felt the blush creep upon her face.

"I'll tell you what you want to hear after you share this particular memory with me." He insisted and for a second she contemplated to stand up and leave the bar.

Instead, she found herself waving at the bartender and ordered a shot of tequila.

"Alright," she said after downing the liquor in one long gulp which burned it's way down her throat, making her feel brave. "Here it is. The only time I actually got truly drunk, was with a guy who left me confused and turned my life into a total mess."

"What on the Earth did he do to you that he deserves this bitter tone?" He inquired further.

"I still don't know if he was the best or the worst choice of my life…" She mumbled, blushing deeply.

"You don't sound so sure about it," he stated.

"I'm still not sure what to think," she murmured. "I just keep wondering my life would be different if it wasn't for that night when we threw every caution behind our backs."

"Tell me about it."

"I had a boyfriend," she started with a sigh, her fingers playing with the glass which was refilled by the bartender. "He was nice and kind, but a bit too reserved for my taste. Most of the times, he was easy to be around but then he had his moods when he completely withdrew himself from everything and walked around brooding and deep in his thoughts. I tried to break through his wall, to make him confess what bothered him, why was he distant, but he just kept… escaping me. He made me feel desperate and even worthless in his eyes as I kept wondering what did I do wrong that I couldn't reach out to him."

"The bastard…" He murmured under his breath.

"Anyway," she continued, ignoring his comment, "Had I been older and wiser I'd have known he was deeply depressed and also, it wouldn't have escaped my attention that his life took the wrong turn… But, I was young, desperate and too self centered to see what bothered him in real. If I want to be honest with myself, though, I must admit, he was only a part of all the reasons I did what most people find despicable."

"Was it that bad?" His tone was light but still felt a bit off; like he was trying to make an effort to sound detached.

Swirling the golden liquid in her glass, she contemplated her answer for endless minutes, digging deep inside her memories and mind, asking herself the same question for the thousandth time in years.

"There was a time when, considering the consequences that followed, I thought it was bad what I did that night," she started slowly. "I blamed myself and blamed my youth, my selfishness even my short temper… but these past couple of months made me see things in a different light. I think…" swallowing, she found it hard to be honest, "I think that maybe it wasn't bad at all. For the first time in my life I felt free and alive that night."

Closing her eyes, she could still smell the liquor and the polish of the hardwood counter of that bar, bringing back a memory she kept well hidden in a dark corner of her mind.

She saw her 22 years old self walking into that bar, feeling angry and determined to do something to punish the world for misunderstanding her, and punishing even herself for being a coward for following the expectations she despised deeply.

She saw it like it'd happened only yesterday.

"I still remember how disappointed I felt on that day and I was willing to do anything to make that bitter taste vanish from my life. I barged into that bar like I was going to defeat an enemy, determined to drink some brain-cell killers and be reckless, just for one single night. My plans never got cancelled faster than then. After discovering that I left my purse at home and had only a few bucks with me, I ordered the cheapest shot of tequila they had."

"What could possibly hurt such a young girl?" He asked without a hint of mirth.

She straightened her shoulders at his choice of the words, his words cutting through her like a well sharpened knife. Someone, back at that bar seven years prior, asked almost the same…

_'What could hurt such a beautiful girl like you?'_

The stranger cleared his throat beside her and the sound brought her back into the present.

"Life in general, I guess," she replied hesitantly. "Have you ever had a feeling that despite having everything other people could only dream of, you still feel empty and everything seems pointless?" She sensed him nodding. "Well, that's how I felt that day. Living the life of the privileged families slowly became a burden to me, a dead weight on my shoulders and whenever I tried to talk to somebody about it, they just assumed I was spoiled and ungrateful. One day, when I was told that I got my job only because of my name and the money my family possessed, I couldn't bear it anymore and I bolted. Calling my boyfriend, I expected him to support me… But, all he was willing to share with me that I was over-reacting and that I needed to grow up. I know, he was right, but back then, it was just too much for me to handle. I realized, people never respected me and never took me seriously because I was so damn predictable… compassionate, kind, so fucking boring… I had enough. So, I left. I didn't know where I was heading, I just drove off until I found that bar."

Dropping her gaze to her fingers, she realized, they were trembling around the glass so she drank the rest of her liquor to find some courage in the alcohol.

"It was a dangerous thing to do. You could easily run into the trap of some perverted serial killer there." He chastised her, making the corners of her lips lift a little.

"I didn't think about the danger. My only goal was to escape my life, to have a time out for the proverbial five minutes from everything that drove me frustrated and crazy," she admitted, feeling ashamed. "I still don't know if I'd have acted differently if I knew where that road was leading me."

His only response was a deep sigh.

"There was a man… someone I knew years before." Closing her eyes, she recalled the tremor of joy at the first sight of him that day.

"How did you feel about him?" His voice was clipped.

"It's none of your business." She snapped, regretting her harshness immediately. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to be honest here just the way you are with me, but it's so hard… and embarrassing to talk of these memories."

"Welcome to the club." He clinked his glass to hers, before ordering the next round for them. "I'm really interested to know how you felt about that guy back then."

Swallowing, she weighed her options. If she was getting to learn his true story, she'd have to give him something in return. What could possibly change if she told him how she felt in the past?

Maybe a little honesty wouldn't hurt any of them.

Her gaze fell on his hand as he caressed his glass with slow, sensual motions.

"Well, if you must know, I'd had the hugest crush on him when I was a teenager," she said hurriedly before she could change her mind.

His fingers froze. There was some music blaring from the speakers in the background and noise coming from the TV in the corner of the place, but at that moment, all she could hear, was a deafening silence and her own blood pounding loudly against her temples.

"Tell me about it," he replied.

"I was an average teenage girl, and there was nothing extraordinary about my hopes and romantic dreams. I was raised to know the value of my position in this world… to act like a lady at all times. I'm sure it never occurred to my parents what a high bar they'd set for me… no one was good enough for me. I was okay with that. Being the privileged child at the society, being used to the doors opening easily in front of me. I dreamed of becoming an intern at the White House and my parents pulled all strings to make sure my dream was going to come true."

"Sounds like a perfect American dream to me."

"It was." The corners of her lips lifted a little at her memories.

"So what changed?"

"Why do you think anything changed for me?"

"Well… you are sitting at a bar with a strange man and as much as I try to use my imagination, this place still doesn't look like a fancy office at the West Wing."

"It was me."

"Excuse me?" He sounded surprised.

"It was me who changed." She nodded at the bartender who refilled her glass without as much as quirking his brow.

"What changed you?"

"I got a sneak peek into what real world looks like. I've met someone who didn't get as many chances and privileges in life as I did."

"You felt pity?" There was hurt in his voice as he asked it.

She jerked her head towards him.

"No!" She cried out, but instantly calmed down when the bartender shot a curious glance at her. "It wasn't pity. It was something deeper. An understanding, maybe."

"You said you had a crush on him." His tone returned to normal, teasing even.

"I did. He had his bad boy aura surrounding him which had me drawn to him instantly. I was fifteen, my head filled with ideas about how the world should work and I believed my life was going to be spectacular. But, then he barged into my life, with his fierce scowl that never seemed to leave his features, like he was always trying to…" She gulped. "To survive the next day. He was struggling and even the spoiled brat I was back then, even I could tell he was hanging on the last thread that barely kept him above the water."

"I see. You really pitied him." He finished his drink in one long gulp and the bartender refilled his glass without asking.

"At the beginning, maybe. But then… then I learned how much he had to sacrifice in is life and still could keep himself together. I saw other people who lost it… became addicts or screwed up their lives because of losing some ideas or childish dreams. This man though, he didn't give up." Sipping at her drink, she contemplated her next words carefully. "In some way, he became my hero though I'm pretty sure he'd never call himself one. Anyway, I pushed aside my first impressions about him and started to focus on the real message his life carried. My parents always told me to listen to people to learn their story and I'm ashamed to admit that he was the first person I really listened to. I heard people talking to me before but I never paid attention to what they actually were saying, unless, it was something flattering about me. But with him, it was different. I enjoyed talking to him, to be with him and yes, I must confess that after some time spent together I started to write his name surrounded by winged hearts in my notebook. I filled endless pages in my diary singing odes to him, to his eyes, to his soul… I had no control over my emotions."

Glancing at his hand, she saw him gripping his glass.

"Did he return your feelings?" He asked tightly.

"We never got to the point of confessions," she replied sadly. "One day he left and I thought I'd never see him again."

"Did you miss him?"

"Do you want me to subscribe how I felt after my platonic love, the damaged lover of my dreams disappeared from my life?"

"Yes." He sounded nervous.

"Well…" She inhaled sharply, before knocking back her drink for encouragement. "I felt abandoned. I found myself having restless nights, wondering whether he was still alive and well. Sometimes I saw someone who resembled him… just a tiny detail that brought back the memory of his gestures, the shade of his eyes or when someone looked at me just the way he used to, left me shaken up every time." She tried to blink away her tears. "Eventually, as the years passed, I learned to ignore those distracting feelings and memories. I stopped grasping at the scraps of memories which kept him alive in my heart… I became a pro at hiding my emotions, until that night I've accidentally met him again, at that bar."

"You keep talking about that night like it brought a monumental change into your life."

"It depends on who you ask." She bit out bitterly. "We had a few drinks, then sparks flew and the next thing I remember was him pressing me against the wall in the dark alley behind that bar… kissing me like there was no tomorrow."

"Wow. You really went out of the line." There was a hint of mirth in his voice. "But, excuse me for being a little slow today, I still don't understand how could some inebriated make out session totally change your life."

"Well…" She blushed deeply. "My corruption became ultimate that night. We didn't just kiss. I let him have me against the cold wall of the building."

Closing her eyes, she could still feel those hot lips against her fevered skin, kissing every inch he could reach from their awkward position as he held her up and drove into her with fierce thrusts. She still remembered how hot he made her, becoming desperate for her completion, clawing at his shoulders, trying to pull him closer, deeper into her body that night. His response was just the same as he sank his teeth deep into her neck, leaving love bites there, marking her as his, even if it was just for that one single night.

"Was it good?" His voice ripped her out of her memories again. Flushing, she realized that her chest was rising and falling rapidly and her nipples made their appearance through her shirt.

"It was the best I ever had. At least, until that point." She admitted quietly, recalling the sound of the fabric of their clothes ripping in the silence of the night.

"So far I find it a bit weird that having a literally one night stand with a hot stranger changed the way you lived your life."

His sarcastic tone made her blood boil and with a sudden decision, she stood up abruptly and pulling out her wallet, she threw some bucks onto the counter.

"You know what? I'm not interested in these confessions in the dark thing anymore." She hissed at his still form, taking in his black leather jacket and his messy, jet black hair. "You don't know a thing about me and most certainly you don't have the right to judge me."

He didn't move from his seat and he didn't make an attempt to turn around to face her.

"Enlighten me, then," he murmured into his glass and her shoulders sagged in defeat. "Explain me, what happened that night so I can fully understand you."

"I lost everything that made me valuable, that happened." She bit out, slumping back onto the barstool next to him again.

"What made you valuable… interesting choice of words."

"I'm not trying to be poetic here." She sighed as her anger dissipated from her and suddenly, she felt exhausted and weary. "It is literally what happened. After our ways parted, we said our goodbyes and I stumbled to my car. I was happy, feeling lightheaded and triumphant. It made me feel damn smug that I finally broke out of my shell and showed the world that the real me was very different from the icon my family made me look like."

"Sounds good to me. I hope you could carry on with this change on other fields of your life as well." He replied with a smile in his tone and her stomach churned uncomfortably. He didn't know that the moment of happiness lasted only for an hour back then. It hurt her to break his good mood.

"Yeah, it was interesting. Finally, I did something unexpected and my head was filled with plans about my new life I was intended to live. But, what I left out of the equation was fate. Being occupied with the brave new world plans, I didn't pay attention and I lost my control over the engine. My car swiveled into the river from a bridge."

He stiffened next to her and even the place seemed darker after her words.

"I-" He visibly struggled to say something, but failed. "I'm glad you survived."

"Just barely." She smiled sadly into her glass, knowing that he didn't hear the whole story yet. " I had severe internal injuries. It was bad; I almost flatlined."

He tipped his head down and she fought the urge to reach out and run her fingers through his hair, to calm him down.

"I wish my story would be happier…" She whispered, feeling torn inside. "You don't need to hear the worst…"

"I don't care about the Disney-version of life. I want to hear what happened."

She took a deep breath, her heart pounding loudly against her ribs.

"I don't remember much of it, but one thing remains a fact: they had to remove some of my internal organs to save my life… and the morning I finally woke up from the coma, the doctor told me that it would be a miracle if I'd ever had children of my own."

She still could feel the pain, tearing her insides apart; she still felt the emptiness settle over her emotions after the news her doctor shared with her.

"My boyfriend and my parents were there and heard it all… especially the part where the doctor talked about that my decision was clouded not only by the alcohol. Judging from the marks on my skin and my torn clothes, he was convinced I was raped that night."

A cracking noise made her stop talking abruptly and her gaze flew to his hand, only to see he was clutching the fragile glass so hard, it cracked from the pressure. Her hand shot out to his direction, before she could stop herself.

She heard him curse under his breath as the bartender snatched the broken glass from him and tossed a white towel in his direction before leaving to find the first aid kit.

"I'm sorry…" She stuttered, wrapping the towel around his bleeding hand and lifting her chin, their gazes locked for a second that felt like hours. His electrifying blue eyes bored into hers with so many conflicting emotions and pain, it made her heart ache for what she lost and what he had to learn about her tonight.

She opened and closed her mouth several times, but no sound came out. Stretching his uninjured hand, he tucked a fallen strand of hair behind her ear, his stare torn and apologetical. Tears pooled in her eyes and it took all of her self-control holding back her sobs. His tender gesture ripped something open deep inside her. A wound she thought was healed, or at least, closed, was now gaping again, aching as much as it hurt seven years ago.

"I wish I could take away your pain," he said finally and she blinked, before lowering her gaze when the bartender returned with the first aid box. She took the sanitizer from him and cleaned the wound on his hand as tenderly as she could.

"It's not too deep, thank God," she whispered before putting a band-aid over the wound.

The second the scent of his cologne hit her, made her realize how close she got to him and immediately, she jerked herself away from him.

"I'm sorry…" She breezed. "I think it's the best I go back to my apartment now."

She didn't wait for his answer while making her way out of the bar, but a few seconds later, she heard his footsteps behind her.

"You should go home, your hand must hurt." She offered quietly. "I know my way to my place."

She wasn't really surprised that he didn't even bother with responding. With a sigh, she accepted his silent company, letting him follow her until they stopped at the porch of her apartment building.

"Why did you say you became useless after learning the sad news from the doctor?" He asked quietly and she dropped her head in embarrassment.

"A woman of my social position is an asset, that's why. My family planned to marry me into a noble family which required me to possess two things, money and the ability to give an heir to my husband." The ever present feeling of being worthless, struck her like her like a feight train again. "My boyfriend's family treated me in a significantly colder way after the accident, especially when I had no other choice but to tell the truth. The deputies of the town were set out to find the man who attacked me and they were out for blood. I had to tell them what happened in real, that I wasn't forced into that intercourse at all…" She trailed off, recalling the humiliation of being forced to explain her actions to everyone, her doctor, her boyfriend, her friends and family, facing their disappointment and resentment. "Things got ugly after my confession, to say at least. It turned out, my presence became inconvenient and my boyfriend asked me to give him back his ring."

"Because you cheated on him?"

She snorted.

"Surprisingly, not. He ended our almost engagement because he had this dream of having children with his wife and I didn't fit into his plans anymore. He didn't even get bothered by the fact that I had a short affair or that my recovery from the accident took me five painful months until my body started to function properly without tubes and catheters…" She exhaled deeply. It felt so good to let these things finally out. "It's not a nice feeling, being resented by those who adored the ground you walked on, before. It hurts to learn you were never loved for yourself, for your mind and soul… that you were just a pawn in the big scheme of power games…"

"I'm so sorry." He took a step closer to her and she felt the heat radiating from his body into hers.

"Yeah." She sighed, closing her eyes at the pleasant shivers his proximity did to her. It felt so good to feel him close, even if it lasted only for a second. "I remember, my boyfriend always wanted me to grow out my childish hopes and the way I was viewing the world... I guess, he got what he wanted. Though, only when it was too late, we both learned, my change he desired so much before, made his feelings vanish towards me."

"I brought you something," he said abruptly and before she could protest, he pulled out a rose petal from his pocket.

This time, it was a white one, with a drop of blood rolling from the stem.

"Ugh, my hand is still bleeding." He tried to apologize, but abruptly, she turned around, to face him.

"It's perfect. Thank you." She let a faint smile adorn her lips before turning toward the entrance, ready to leave him standing there, when his voice stopped her.

"Just for the record… when a man truly loves a woman, the whole universe isn't enough to stop him from loving her.

- TVD -

**From the (lack of) reviews for the previous chapter I assume, it's a too slow burn for some readers. I'm sorry for that. **

**I hope you liked this chapter better. Please, let me know what you think.**


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